Grief Following a Loss
Written By Tara Newton
If you've lost someone you love, you may have noticed that grief doesn't behave the way you expected it to. It doesn't move in a straight line, it can be up and down. It also doesn't politely wait for a "better moment" to appear. I remember suddenly bursting into tears in the supermarket after losing my beautiful cat Loki, when I thought I was fine. If you're in the middle of it right now, I want to tell you that whatever you're feeling, however you're feeling it, there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
What Is Grief, Really?
Grief is the natural response to losing someone or something that mattered deeply to us. It's often described in stages, but in reality, it rarely moves neatly from one to the next. Most people find themselves circling back through disbelief, sadness, anger, and acceptance in no particular order, sometimes all in the same day.
Grief isn't just an emotion either. It touches your body, your thinking, your relationships, and your sense of who you are. It can be exhausting in ways that are hard to explain to people who haven't been through it.
Why It Can Feel So Disorienting
Loss has a way of turning even familiar things unfamiliar. You might find yourself:
Forgetting simple things, or struggling to concentrate on tasks that used to be easy
Feeling numb one moment and overwhelmed the next
Going through the motions of daily life while feeling like you're on autopilot
Avoiding reminders of your loss, or seeking them out compulsively
Feeling angry at the person who died, at yourself, or at the unfairness of it all
Wondering if you'll ever feel "normal" again
If any of this sounds familiar, please know there's nothing wrong with you. These are some of the most common experiences people describe after a significant loss.
Common Signs of Grief
Grief doesn't always look like sadness. It can also appear in other ways:
Physical symptoms like fatigue, tight chest, or trouble sleeping
Irritability or a shorter fuse than usual
Guilt, about things said or unsaid, or about moments of relief or laughter
Withdrawing from friends, family, or activities you'd normally enjoy
A loss of interest in things that used to feel meaningful
Waves of grief that catch you off guard, long after you thought you'd "moved past" them
How Counselling at Sunray Can Help
Therapy with me won't take away your loss, and it won't rush you towards ‘moving on.’ I often say to grieving clients that ‘moving on’ is something that society thinks is a good thing. And for some people, that might be true, but it isn’t for all people. What it can offer is a space where your grief is allowed to exist exactly as it is, without anyone needing you to be further along than you are.
In our sessions together, we might explore:
Making sense of emotions that feel contradictory, or too big to name
Finding your own way through grief, rather than following someone else's timeline
Processing guilt, regret, or unfinished conversations
Rebuilding a sense of connection to your life, and to the person you've lost, on your own terms
Looking at helpful models to understand and manage grief, such as continuing bonds and growing around grief.
You Don't Have to Carry This Alone
Grief can feel incredibly isolating, especially once the world around you seems to have moved on. If you're navigating a loss right now, I'd be glad to offer you a space to be exactly as you are, without judgement.
If you'd like to talk, I offer a free 15-minute introductory call so we can see if working together feels right for you.
If you need urgent support right now, please call NHS 111 (select the mental health option), The Samaritans on 116 123, or text SHOUT to 85258.
Tara Newton Dip.Couns, Sunray Counselling and Psychotherapy
