Recognising the Emotional Impact of Domestic Abuse
Written By Tara Newton
If you're living with, or have recently left, an abusive relationship, you may be carrying more than most people around you realise. Domestic abuse isn't always visible from the outside, and it isn't always physical. If you're recognising yourself in this post, I want you to know that what's happening to you is not your fault, and you deserve support.
What Is Domestic Abuse?
Domestic abuse is a pattern of controlling, coercive, or harmful behaviour from a partner, ex-partner, or family member. It can include physical violence, but it can just as often involve emotional manipulation, financial control, isolation from friends and family, threats, or constant monitoring and criticism.
It's often misunderstood, even by the people experiencing it. This is because abuse can build slowly, and because the person causing harm may also, at times, be loving or apologetic. This can make it incredibly hard to name what's happening, even to yourself.
Why It Can Feel So Confusing
Being in, or leaving, an abusive relationship often brings up some really confusing feelings, because you might be:
Questioning your own perception of events, especially if you've been told you're "overreacting" or "too sensitive"
Still feeling love, loyalty, or hope for the relationship alongside fear or hurt
Feeling ashamed, or worried that others will judge you for staying, or for how long it took to leave
Afraid of what might happen if you speak up or try to leave
Exhausted from managing someone else's moods, on top of everything else in your life
If any of this sounds familiar, please know there's nothing wrong with you. These are some of the most common experiences people describe when they're living through this.
Common Signs You May Be Experiencing Abuse
Abuse doesn't always look like the version we see in films. It can also manifest as:
Feeling like you're walking on eggshells, constantly managing how someone else might react
Being made to feel guilty or "difficult" for having needs or boundaries
Having your money, time, friendships, or movements controlled or monitored
Anxiety, low self-worth, or a sense of having lost yourself
Physical symptoms of chronic stress, like sleep problems, tension, or exhaustion
A persistent, quiet fear that something isn't right, even if you can't fully explain why
How Counselling at Sunray Can Help
Therapy can't make the decision to stay or leave for you, and it won't ask you to. What it can offer is a space where you're believed, where your experience isn't minimised, and where you can begin to reconnect with your own judgement and sense of self. However, if you are at risk of imminent serious harm, I may need to break our confidentiality agreement to support you to stay safe.
In our sessions together, we might explore:
Making sense of confusing or contradictory feelings about the relationship
Rebuilding trust in your own perceptions and instincts
Looking at the effects of historic abuse on you in the present
Processing fear, shame, or guilt, at whatever pace feels safe for you
Thinking through support and safety, alongside specialist services where needed
You Don't Have to Carry This Alone
If you're living with abuse, please know that support exists and that reaching out is not a betrayal of anyone, it's an act of care for yourself. I'd be glad to offer you a space to be heard, without judgement.
If you'd like to talk, I offer a free 15-minute introductory call so we can see if working together feels right for you.
If you are in immediate danger, please call 999. For confidential support, you can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline free on 0808 2000 247, available 24 hours a day, Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247, or the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327. You can also text SHOUT to 85258 for support by text.
Tara Newton Dip.Couns, Sunray Counselling and Psychotherapy
